So apologies again for taking such a long time to post. I have been mad busy. I promise you I will try not to wait this long again. Please enjoy and send me your comments......Tee~Kofi said that he would meet me at the party. I rode with Derrick and Craig. Kofi and I went shopping a few days before just to make sure we looked great. He tried to get me to wear matching outfits and I looked at him in stark amazement until I realized he was kidding. Don’t ever kid like that again, boo, I told him. Ever! Derrick, Craig and I showed up at the party. There were a lot of famous people and celebrities in attendance. I looked around for Kofi but he had not shown up yet. I pulled out my cell and gave him a call.
“Hey baby!” Kofi said, cheerfully. “I am on my way there now. We are in the car.”
“Who are you with?” I asked. “I hope drunk ass Keith isn’t driving!”
“Naw, Cedric is and you know he don’t drink. How is the party?”
“Its actually pretty nice. Just wish you were here,” I said.
“I do also. You know, I have been thinking about us a lot lately and I think we need to have a serious talk later about our future together,” Kofi said.
My heart jumped. Was he saying what I thought he was? “You mean a relationship?”
“Yeah, I know that you said you were not ready and I did not think I was either. However, Terrance, man, I really do like you and I don’t know why we are playing this stupid ass game. Lets just do this.”
“Kofi, I don’t know…” I stammered. Damn! I REALLY liked this man, but I just did not know if I was ready for that type of commitment. What the hell was I afraid of? ‘Well’, my mind said, ‘for one, you could get seriously hurt. This man is still in his self-discovery phase. Do you really want to put up with that?’ ‘If it’s worth it in the long run, then yes’ I answered my mind. ‘Hmph!’ my mind huffed. ‘We shall see…’ ‘Oh, shut the hell up!’ I said back to my mind and pushed him away.
“Kofi, lets talk about this later, ok?” I said, “I gotta get off the phone now.”
“Hey, Tee, I know you are scared. I am too. But I like you a lot and I see the potential to fall in love with you. So just don’t shut me out, baby. Please….” Kofi said. A tear fell rolled down my face. Hell yeah I was scared as hell! Terrified!
“Ok, we will talk about it soon,” I said.
“No, we will talk about it tonight,” Kofi said. “Big kiss baby. Be there soon. Bye.” Kofi hung up the phone.
I stood there staring at the phone trying to gather my thoughts. After I ended my relationship with my ex, I told myself that I really wanted to take a few years to discover myself again. I lost a lot of myself in that relationship and I did not want to do it again. Craig walked up to me. “Guess what!” He exclaimed. “There are a ton of celebs in the other room. Come on, lets get some free drinks and mingle with the kids!”
“Ok,” I said, pretending like I had something in my eye. I walked into the room with Craig but I did not pay attention to anything. I needed some time to think before I saw Kofi. I pulled Craig to the side and told him what had happened.
“And….what?” he asked me. “What’s the problem? Kofi is a fine ass man. And he genuine and humble. Trust me, Terrance, those only come along a few times in an entire lifetime. You have nothing to loose and everything to gain. Stop harboring old resentment from your past hear scars and at least consider the possibilities. But, it should be your decision, not mine or anyone else’s. But trick, if you don’t take him, hell I will!!! And his FINE ass best friend. Is Tommy coming tonite???”
“Yes, he will be here,” I said. I had to admit, Kofi’s best friend Tommy was actually finer that he was, and that is saying a lot.
“Ok, I’m going to go outside for a sec and think before Kofi gets here. Be right back.”
“Ok…” Craig said, already tuning me out and looking at some guy trying to discreetly stare at him. “Boo, you take your time with that. I will be right over there.” Craig pointed to the side of the room where the guy that was staring at him was.
I walked outside to think. I am not a dramatic person, so I am not going to start now. It either is or it isn’t. I really did like Kofi so what the hell was I scared of??? So why the hell not. Lets do this. When Kofi comes tonight, I will tell him that I want to do this.
So I waited for Kofi at the party, but he never showed up. Typical, I thought. Around 1 am, we all decided to go home. I was very tired and was irritated that Kofi did not call me to say he changed his mind about coming. When I got home, I called his cell phone.
Hey, this is Kofi. Can’t answer the phone right now, but you know the drill. *beep*
“Kofi, this is Terrance. Surprised you did not call me to tell me you could not make it to the party. I won’t take offense to it. I will wait to speak to you about what happened. Give me a call when you get this.” Kofi never called, so I went to bed.
I woke up the next morning and started my day. I tried to get Kofi off of my mind, but it was hard. Why the hell had he not called yet? Something must be wrong, I thought. Or, maybe he got cold feet about the whole thing. Well, I could not worry about it now. I had a dinner party to attend that night and that was my concern. So I went about my day doing errands and preparing for the party. Just as I was leaving the house, my cell phone rang. The caller ID said Kofi. Irritated that he was just calling, I ignored the phone and grabbed my keys. I went to my car and headed toward the party. Halfway to the party, my cell phone rang again. Kofi. I let out a irritated huff and put my earpiece on. I answered the phone, but Kofi had hung up. I snapped the phone shut and turned up my music. I was not going to let some guy punk me out. Damn! Is this what you get for putting your feelings out there?
I was pulling up to my friends house for the dinner party when my cell rang yet again. Kofi. I opened the phone and answered.
“Yes,” I said making no attempt to hide my irritation.
“Terrance,” a voice not Kofi’s said.
“Yes, this is Terrance. Who is this?” I asked.
“Terrance, this is Tommy, Kofi’s friend.”
What was he doing with Kofi’s phone. “Yeah, Tommy, what’s going on.”
“Not good man. Listen, I hate to be the one to tell you this but we were in a car accident last night coming to the party.”
My heart skipped a beat. My face became instantly flushed. “Oh, shit, Tommy…you ok?”
“Yeah, I am ok. I have a lot of bruises but I will live. Yo, Kofi did not come out so well. He was knocked unconscious and has not regained consciousness yet. Do you think you can come down to the hospital?”
As he was saying the words, I was already pulling out of my friend’s driveway. “What hospital” I asked as I sped back toward the highway.
When I got to the hospital, Tommy was waiting for me. He looked terrible, but grateful to be alive. I gave him a warm, careful hug. I asked about Kofi and Cedric. Tommy immediately started crying. Shocked at his quick reaction, I embraced him and held him. The stress of the last twenty-four hours had finally caught up with him.
“Cedric did not make it,” Tommy said through tears. “He died at the scene of the accident. I can’t believe it! The car’s tire blew out and Cedric lost control of the car. Cedric did not have his seat belt on and was thrown from the car. Kofi….” Tommy went into a fit of sobs again.
“Tell me,” I said to Tommy a little forcefully so that my point came across.
“Kofi’s sister is in there with him now. The doctor’s said that he broke his nose in the crash and a bone fragment punctured his brain. They had to cut open his head to alleviate the pressure. Terrance, they don’t know what is going to happen.”
“Ok, let me go and speak to Christa,” I said. I escorted Tommy to a chair and went to find Christa. She told the nurses that I was family and she went with me to the ICU unit. When I saw Kofi, I almost fainted on sight. My vision became blurry through the tears. Was this the man I was falling in love with? His entire face looked like he was stung by a thousand bees and had swelled to twice its size. A white gauze covered the top of his head where they removed the top of his skull to alleviate the pressure. His body was swollen. Christa looked like she had been crying all night but said in an amazingly calm voice “Doctors are not sure if he has any brain damage. They said he may can hear you. Please, go speak to him.”
I walked up to the bed and gently grabbed his hand. It was warm as it always is.
“Baby, its me,” I said, trying not to cry. “Christa said that the doctors are doing everything that they can for you. So you gotta fight and stay with us. You have always been a fighter so don’t stop now.” I closed my eyes and let the magnitude of what was happening soak in. My body reacted by sending a shiver up my spine. I involuntary shook. Christa left the room crying.
“Hey baby, you know what, I wanted to tell you yesterday that I would love to be in a relationship with you. I know I was scared, but that was just my insecurities playing itself out. You are everything to me, and it is time that I stop running from what is in front of me and embrace it.” I picked up his hand and kissed the back of it. I brought it to my forehead. I began to silently cry again. I stayed at the hospital for the next two days. I only left when I was force to use the bathroom. Christa and Tommy brought me something to eat. Kofi’s mother and older brother also came in. After two days, it was clear to the doctors that Kofi would be permanently brain dead. He was breathing only because of a respirator. He had no will or living will to speak of and he had told no one of his wishes regarding life support. His mother made the decision to disconnect him from the machine. As hard as it was, we all supported her decision.
On Sunday, September 9, 2001 at 10:31 pm, I said goodbye to Kofi. I was totally devastated and even today, I am still not completely over it. I know that he is up above where he belongs. I have never admitted this until now but I did love him. More than I realized. The potential of what could have been will follow me until I leave this earth. His death just makes me appreciate my life even more than anything.
On Tuesday, September 11, 2001, my best friend Brian called me that morning. I woke up and picked up the phone on the third ring.
“Sup,” I said, still half sleep. I figured he was calling me to check on me and make sure I was dealing with Kofi’s death ok.
“PLEASE tell me you are looking at tv right now,” he said in a tense voice.
“Nope,” I said, rolling back over and getting more comfortable in the bed.
“Terrance, a plane hit the World Trade Center in New York!!” he said.
“Yeah, right…” I said. Another asshole playing a joke. I was not in the mood.
“Terrance, turn on the damn television,” Brian yelled at me. Irritated, I turned over and flipped on the tv. I flipped the channels a few times to the news channels and I saw nothing.
“Boy, why are you calling me with this shit! It is not funny, and further….” I froze in mid-sentence. A pretty white female with way too much make-up on was reporting something. I turned up the television so that I could hear her. In the background, I could see the outline of the World Trade Towers and smoke coming from one of them. I sat straight up in my bed.
The woman with too much make-up on said “…..this looks like an accident. The plane is believed to be a small commuter plane that was pushed off course and slammed into the North Tower at 8:46 am this morning, just twelve minutes ago. Reports of casualties….” I was in shock. How the hell could a small commuter plane do that much damage?
“Brian, I see it. Let me call you back, please.” Before he could protest, I hung up the phone. Craig, who had stayed the night before at the house because he had gotten too drunk to drive home, was crashing on the sofa downstairs. My roommate Derrick had already left for his 9:00 am class. “Craig, wake up and come here. Hurry!” I screamed to him. A few minutes later, Craig walked into my room, still half sleep. “Look!” I pointed at the television. “A plane hit one of the towers.” At first, Craig did not really register what was happening but as he stared at the damage, he woke up more and more.
“Are you fucking serious!” he exclaimed and sat down on the bed. The woman with too much make-up on continued to talk. “….just getting in confirmed reports that the plane that hit the tower was in fact a commercial aircraft, a Boeing 757 to be precise. This is a very tragic accident. Firefighters and rescue crews are on the scene assessing…” As she spoke, the twin towers were behind her. Suddenly, another plane started flying up in the distance towards the towers. Since her back was to the towers, she could not see what was happening. The camera man moved the camera to his left and tracked the plane. Since they were live, she noticed that he was not directly on her with the camera. Confused, the woman with too much make-up on looked over her shoulders while still talking. Just as she turned around, the second plane struck the South Tower.
“…..not sure what the impact will be….oh shit!!!” The woman with too much make-up on screamed into the camera and ducked. The camera man, visibly shaken, moved the camera as if shocked, but maintained a visual. My mouth dropped open as a billow of orange and black flames leaped from the side of the second tower.
“What the hell…” Craig said as he jumped off the bed and took a step away from the television. “Did that just happen!”
The television crew as frantic. Fast movement followed as everyone desperately tried to wrap their mind around what had just happened. I was in total shock. I could not move. I use to work in that building! I thought as smoke engulfed the building. Was this a dream? And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. A new wave of shock registered on my face and Craig caught it.
“Baby, you alright..” he asked looking at me with genuine concern. Just then my cell phone rang. It was Brian. I picked up the phone.
“Terrance, do you know what I am about to ask you?” he said in a shaky voice.
“Yes, I know…” I managed to say.
“What!” Craig asked
“My ex, the guy I was with for eight years, works in that building. I spoke to him on Friday and he said that he had a very important meeting today in that building…..and it started at 9:00 am!”
Disbelief ran across Craig’s face. He knew my ex very well.
“Brian, let me call him now. I will call you back.”
I hung up the phone and frantically dialed my ex’s number. I secretly said a prayer as I put the phone to my ear. Not two in one week. Lord, please, I can’t handle this. Tears began to fall down my face as I got a busy signal….
(tune in for the next installment...)
Some of your favorite post were:
aul & Charlie Bell
I say all this to say one thing........Phoenix, here I come! I will try to blog as often as I can while I am there, assuming I can get to a camera!
I do have a few straight friends such as 
